Entry #14. Deciphering Airbnb Listings

Dear Travel mates,

Remember how I said in my last blog that my favorite spot is always the one I’m in?

Well, I was wrong.

This last month has tested our endurance, flexibility, and inner strength. And like the family travel super heroes that we are, we passed. But barely.

The thing is, so much of our happiness comes down to the place we rent. We’re seeing some spectacular sites on this trip, but we spend most of our time hanging/working/schooling at home. Which means that the lodging can be a make or break.

In this last month alone we’ve slept in 8 different places. That’s a lot of opportunity for break. 

It’s true that during these past 7 months we’ve gotten better at making choices. In fact, Deciphering an Airbnb listing has become one of our expertises. So has bargaining with a host. But despite our new super-skill we still fall prey.

So to help you out with your future travels, and so we’ll be on the same page as I tell you about our month, I thought I’d share some listing terms that need decoding:

Lodging Dictionary:

  • “Cozy”  =  Tiny
  • “Rustic”  =  Run Down
  • “Character”  =  Old
  • “Modern”  =  Empty
  • “Roomy”  =  Small
  • “Quiet Hotel Room”  =  Nobody wants it
  • “Comfortable”  =  Overly Used
  • “Basic”  =  One Pot, No Shampoo
  • “Quaint”  = Hasn’t been renovated since the 50s
  • “Resort”  =  Hotel
  • “Conveniently Located Near Train Station”  =  You’ll hear that train whistle All. Night. Long.
  • “Homey Touches”  =  Fake Plants
  • “Remote”  =  In the Middle of F*cking Nowhere

Now I’ll illustrate these terms for you by using them in sentences –

After Arizona we headed to the coast with a stop along the way in Borrego Springs, CA. There we stayed at what has become our back up for when Airbnb fails us in some way (price, availability, appeal) – Time Share “Resorts”. 

We actually love these “Resorts”. Airbnbs are demanding! In order for us to get a 5 star review, which we need to continue this lifestyle, moving day from an Airbnb is a 4 hour marathon of –  Scour! Strip the beds! Take out the trash! Wipe surfaces! Pick up the beads, balloons, feathers, game pieces, markers, shells, and other tiny things that kids leave in their wake.

When we stay in hotels, we don’t need their reviews, so we can leave it presentable, but not sparkling.

Not only that, “Resorts” have a pool. If you ask Alona what her all time favorite places on the trip have been so far, she won’t say Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, or Bryce, she’ll name the places that had a pool and/or foosball.

It’s all about the pool for her.

From there we drove to the coast of San Diego where we had an emotional reunion with the ocean. We’ve driven from the Atlantic to the Pacific, and the ocean is where my heart lies.

Strange west coast Kelp. It’s HARD!
We were all excited to see the ocean.

We arrived to a “Cozy” Airbnb that we had signed onto for two weeks. The minute we arrived to the narrow three story townhouse with one room per floor my heart sank. It was tiny even by New Yorker standards. Not only that, the neighborhood was packed TIGHT with homes side by side with narrow alleys between them. 

After high fiving my neighbor through the kitchen window the next morning, I took my smoothie to the beach. By the time the kids had done surfing lessons and I spent afternoons riding the house bike around the bay and by the ocean, we were in love with Mission Bay.

San Diego reminded us a lot of Israel. A beautiful city on the sea. And Mission Bay felt like Jaffa with its tiny alleys that people decorated with plants and sculptures.

“Cozy” place. But with style.
Little surfers.
Alleys between houses. Super cute.

When our two weeks were over we reluctantly said goodbye to San Diego and confronted the reality that our money wasn’t worth much in Cali. I had bargained “Cozy” down, and had a lot of trouble trying to find another place by the beaech. So as you can imagine, I didn’t arrive to our next “Resort” with the most positive attitude.

Ramona is a small suburban farm town nestled in the hills of CA. We mistakenly chose a “Quiet” room at first but transferred from the Batcave to a sunnier second floor room the next day.

They had bikes for rent and as I huffed up and down the hills passing views of mountains and farms, I fell in love with the new place. Plus, there was a pool…

Our sunnier place on the second floor.
Biking up the steep hills means biking down them too.

Are you starting to sense a pattern here? 

After spending a magical weekend in LA with friends and family we felt a strong pull back to the coast. We wondered – Is it really completely out of our budget? Can’t we make it work?

And that led us to trying the “Roomy” one bedroom.

While Tsuri worked in the bedroom during the day the kids and I crammed into the “Comfortable” living room with springs sticking out of the couch to do school and work. 

I didn’t win any mom of the year awards for my performance that week. I realized that’s where I draw the line. I can do this trip, I can homeschool them all day, I can pack and unpack endlessly, but I need a room to escape to. I did manage to do a show for the Jewish Museum in the middle of that living room with a green screen though (superhero moment.)

“Roomy” living room.

The kids did the show with me. Without the green screen it would have been a disaster.

Even though I counted down the days to leaving that place, I fully enjoyed my morning smoothies on the beach and wasn’t ready to leave the ocean. We spent the weekend driving up the coast and staying in “Quaint” motels with lots of “Character”. 

In these places we all cram into one room but its only for a night so we come with different expectations. A clean working shower is the bar, not always met.

Me teaching a class.
What they see.
What’s actually behind me.

We knew our next move was to head inland where we belonged. The only house we could find in our budget was “Remote” and “Basic” but we went for it.

This is how that drive went – The vineyards! The pastures! The cows! The rolling hills! So beautiful! Wow we’re still driving. And driving… Now things are getting more and more desolate. Now we’re passing dilapidated homes, and now the kids are asking -”Why are there so many broken down trucks next to the homes?”

By the time we finally rolled into the driveway I had imagined a full horror scene and wanted to turn around. It didn’t help that the sign at the end of the driveway said, I kid you not, “No Trespassing – We’re Tired of Hiding the Bodies.”

The wifi network was called “stayout.” So.

You can’t make this up.

Bball with a view.
Looks pretty nice once you pass the sign and broken down trucks along the way.

Once again, the next day came around and made everything better. The kids played basketball with a view, Tsuri and Alona made a fire, and I had my own room to escape to. I wasn’t panic calling my family anymore.

So dear travel mate, I hope you took notes. It’s crucial to be able to decode descriptions on the listings. Next time I may tell you about decoding the photos too.

But keep in mind – you might have the same pattern I do. You might go into MOST places and hate them at first. But when the sun rises and you’re having your smoothie outside, you might just see the light and be happy to call it your new “Home” for a little while.

Family to lift our spirits high.
The beach at Cayucos. My favorite place so far.
Beached elephant seals.
Our budding photographer with the Route 66 hat.
Ceramics at Stephanie and Yariv’s house. A highlight.
Games at Maggie’s “Cabin” in the woods. It was magical.

7 thoughts on “Entry #14. Deciphering Airbnb Listings

  1. Sharon Shemesh

    Always a joy to read. Thanks for the location jargon bible, I’ll be calling u before my next trip, if I ever get to do it… xoxo

    Reply
  2. Fay

    This was great. As a long time Airbnb customer (joined 2013) and renter (3 years) this made me laugh. I’ve liked most of the Airbnb’s I’ve rented over the years but I do recall one place in Wells England that was “quaint” with wall to wall carpeting that had been recently cleaned with the strongest cleaner to mask the cat urine smell (didn’t work). It was coincidentally the same week as Glastonbury music festival, which explains why I had to settle, and the hottest days of our trip (no AC in Europe). Unfortunately the show was already sold out too, but we did see the oldest clock in Europe there. Haha win win. This was during a 2.5 month trip of UK and Ireland where we moved every week. I loved it! Looking forward to doing it again someday, with both children this time. Enjoy your travels!

    Reply
    1. VERED BENHORIN Post author

      THat trip sounds amazing! We actually wanted this trip to be international but COVID… We hope to do that one day with the kids as well. Such a funny story. Sorry you had to live with cat urine smell and didn’t even get to see the show lol.

      Reply

Leave a Reply to Fay Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *